Weight Loss and Teshuva

Weight Loss and Teshuva

Getting in shape, physically and spiritually.

Once again, my clothes don't fit. Yep, the same ones that fit just fine three months ago. Perhaps they all shrank? A likely culprit: the dryer did it. I'd like to believe it myself, rather than blaming it on chocolate. Such a lovely thing chocolate is, why attach bad memories to it?

I've been watching my weight. I've watched it so well, it hasn't gone anywhere. Matter of fact, I've accumulated more of it, just by watching it! These skills are acquired, mind you.

The truth is, I know the reasons why I gain weight. I eat too much. I don't exercise enough. Plain and simple, no complications.

And I know the formula to fix the problem. It works every time: Eat less, exercise more. But as many times as I gain and lose, eventually I go through the same routine over and over again.

This pattern of failure sure doesn't help to get me motivated to try again. This same problem can often sabotage the process of teshuva, returning to be the best person I can be.

Considering I can't even seem to stay on a diet, how can I honestly say I'll never repeat my past mistake and stay committed to a life-changing mission?

NO QUICK FIX

With both weight loss and teshuva, it's not about quick fixes, but about a lifestyle change.

On some crazy diets I've tried, I push myself beyond my limit, and the first day is very successful. Then the second day is a little less successful. Each day afterward is just a spiral path downward until the diet has failed me again.

It's the same with my unsuccessful attempts to conquer my bad habits. I start my teshuva 'diet' and go on a strict plan to stop immediately. And the first day I am very successful. But just like that crash diet, my teshuva process crashes as well.

Crash diets don't work. Fly-by-night teshuva doesn't work either. Losing weight means changing my eating style and pattern, relating differently to food, and integrating exercise and healthy habits into my life. Doing teshuva means recognizing my behavior patterns that don't work, working on letting go of them, and integrating good character traits into my life.

This year, my list of Rosh Hashanah Resolutions will include: 'Get in Shape!' And I figure, the same basic principles that will get me in shape physically, will also get me back in shape spiritually:

1. Believe in Myself - I know I can only have the courage and strength to try if I think I can do it. Why bother trying to lose weight or do teshuva if I don't think I can accomplish my goals? I need to believe in myself enough to really give it all I have and try my best to make it happen. So my first step is to believe that no matter what, I know I can do this!

• Make a Plan - It is very easy to say 'I want to lose weight,' or 'I want to be a better person,' but without a clear plan and goal, I don't know where I am heading, and I can't possibly find my way there. With specific planning and setting goals, I can map out the right way.
• Take Small Steps - If I take on too much at once, I will burn out very quickly. By cutting out all of my favorite treats, or by cutting out all possible slander and gossip from my life, I know that I am setting myself up for failure. I am not going to be an angel overnight. I need small steps to make changes. So the first day, maybe it will be no chocolate after 6 pm, or no speaking about anyone else in any negative way before 2 pm. And once I can handle that and move on, I can make bigger changes. Slow integration is the key to long-term effects.
• Think of the Big Picture - If I live my life wanting and expecting instant gratification, I will often regret my choices later. That brownie might taste good now (really good!) but how will I feel when I weigh myself? That clever and witty yet very hurtful remark might bring a few laughs right now, but how will I feel when my relationships are affected by my lack of sensitivity towards people's feelings? By not going after the instant gratification, I can look at the big picture and see how my choices will affect me later on. I can live without the brownie. I can love without the hurt.
• Make Lifestyle Changes - Successful weight loss and teshuva can really only be accomplished by a true change in my lifestyle and behavior pattern. By integrating new habits into my life, I am not just going on a diet that might last a day or maybe if I'm lucky, a month. I am making changes in who I am and how I relate to food. I am also making those soul choices that will transform the way I relate to myself and others.
• Resist Temptation - The easiest thing, of course, is to avoid temptation. But temptation is everywhere (Am I supposed to not go to weddings because the schmorg will be too delicious? Stop speaking with friends because we may slip up and gossip?). By being aware of surrounding temptation, I can be prepared to fight it.
• Get Over Minor Setbacks - There is really no such thing as a major setback. My problem is that I let my minor set-backs turn into major ones. Okay, I had a donut! So what? Get back on the program. The problem is that I tell myself, It's all over. I might as well have the rest of the dozen. If only I were able to look at that donut as minor setback and get right back on my diet, it would never be such a big deal. The way to accomplish anything meaningful in life is slowly but surely, little by little, a few steps forward and sometimes a few steps back.
• Monitor Progress - With weight loss, each week I can weigh myself and see how I'm doing. I can look back and see what's working and what's not. With teshuva, a great way to monitor progress is with 'Cheshbon HaNefesh' a daily accounting of the soul where I sit down for just five minutes each night with a notebook and pen, and I look back at my day and see where I accomplished my goals, where I was challenged, and in what areas I need to try harder tomorrow.
• No giving up - Sometimes it's hard and I'd like to quit. That's when I pray to God to give me the strength and resolve to persevere, and the clarity to know that my goal is too important to ever stop trying.

Putting Your Spouse First

Allowing the needs of another to take precedence doesn't make you a wimp. It's affirming the supremacy of the marriage over the individual.

"If you treat your husband like a king, he will treat you like a queen." This wise advice from the Talmud is not something we have an easy time putting into practice. We're afraid we'll get stepped on, become doormats, we're concerned our needs won't be met, we don't want to feel like shmattes, we don't want it to be about him.

Which is ironic because that is the key to a successfully marriage (and ultimately to having our own needs tended to) -- to put our partner first. It's not about me. The character trait of humility, this other-centered focus, is crucial to a healthy relationship. This often manifests itself in the seemingly small areas. We're both tired at night. Who gets up to make sure the doors are locked? To check on the baby?

But these small things are not so tiny after all. They are the ways we express our caring, the ways we contribute to the health and strength of the marriage, the way we tell our spouse that they count, their needs count, the way we put them first.

Another aspect of humility is the ability to cede your rights, to give it up and just let it go. So many things we fight about are so unimportant (forget that toilet seat already) and simply not worth it. And yet we let them erode our relationship. Just let it go; make it nonexistent.

The clothes on the floor, the cereal on the counter, the forgotten phone message, the baby's pajamas on backwards -- let it go.

And maybe even some more annoying qualities as well. We can feel that moment of choice, that moment where the frustration is just starting to build and we can either vent it in an unpleasant tirade or we can take a deep breath and move on. It's a choice; let it go and choose the marriage, choose your spouse's needs. Tomorrow you won't even remember what that burning issue was.

Allied with this is the clear recognition that marriage is not a competition and that being right is not the goal. Working together, creating a new unique entity together is. Ego has no place in marriage -- very easy to say and very difficult to live.

It's very hard to really let go, to really not care, to bite back the words as they are agitating to get out. We're not always successful. What's important is that we want to be.

There's a mistaken and prevalent notion that we are somehow a wimp if we aren't constantly asserting our rights and needs. On the contrary. It takes real strength of character to step back, to concede, to defer, to allow the needs of another to take precedence. It requires security and clarity not to be threatened by this attitude and to instead take pleasure in the giving.

Letting go is not passivity, it is not opting out. It's a positive affirmation of the supremacy of the marriage over the individual, a clear recognition of priorities and purpose. The Talmud is a statement of reality, of both a Divine promise and natural consequences. If we treat our husbands like a king, he will treat us like a queen. And if we begin by treating our husband like a king, we have already adopted the behavior or royalty.

YOU GO GIRL!

One day a 6 year old girl was sitting in a classroom. The teacher was going to explain evolution to the children.

The teacher asked a little boy: Tommy do you see the tree outside?

TOMMY: Yes.

TEACHER: Tommy, do you see the grass outside?

TOMMY: Yes.

TEACHER: Go outside and look up and see if you can see the sky.

TOMMY: Okay. (He returned a few minutes later) Yes, I saw the sky.

TEACHER: Did you see God up there?

TOMMY: No.

TEACHER: That's my point. We can't see God because he isn't there. Possibly he just doesn't exist.

A little girl spoke up and wanted to ask the boy some questions.

The teacher agreed and the little girl asked the boy: Tommy, do you see the tree outside?

TOMMY: Yes.

LITTLE GIRL: Tommy do you see the grass outside?

TOMMY: Yessssss!

LITTLE GIRL: Did you see the sky?

TOMMY: Yessssss!

LITTLE GIRL: Tommy, do you see the teacher?

TOMMY: Yes

LITTLE GIRL: Do you see her brain?

TOMMY: No

LITTLE GIRL: Then according to what we were taught today in school, she possibly may not even have one!

(You Go Girl!)

FOR WE WALK BY FAITH, NOT BY SIGHT'

II CORINTHIANS 5:7

WHAT ARE MEN REALLY LIKE?

Men are like.....Bank Accounts.Without a lot of money, they don't generate muchinterest.

Men are like.....Bike helmets.Handy in an emergency, but otherwise they just LOOK SILLY.

Men are like.....Coffee. The best ones are rich, warm, and can keep you up allnight long.

Men are like.....Computers.Hard to figure out and never have enough memory.

Men are like.....Government bonds. They take so long to mature.

Men are like.....High heels.They're easy to walk on once you get the hang of it.

Men are like.....Horoscopes.They always tell you what to do and are usually wrong.

Men are like.....Lava lamps.Fun to look at, but not at all that bright.

Men are like.....Mascara.They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

Men are like.....Placemats.They only show up when there's food on the table.

Men are like.....Weather.Nothing can be done to change either one of them.

Happy In Life

The happiest people don't have the best of everything, they just make the best of everything they have. . . So please remember:

Live simply
Love generously.
Care deeply.
Speak kindly.
Leave the rest to God!

And remember -
The richest person is not the one who has the most, but the one who needs the least.

People will forget what you said. People will forget what you did. But people will never forget how you made them feel.

Rules for Being Happy!

God didn't promise days without pain, Laughter without sorrow, Sun without rain, But he did promise strength for the day, Comfort for the tears, And light for the way. Disappointments are like road bumps, They slow you down a bit But you enjoy the smooth road afterwards. Don't stay on the bump too long. Move on! When you feel down because You didn't get what you want, Just sit tight and be happy, Because God is thinking of Something better to give you. When something happens to you, good or bad, Consider what it means. There's a purpose to life's events To teach you how to laugh more Or not to cry as hard. You can't make someone love you, All you can do is be someone who can be loved -- The rest is up to the other person To realize your worth. The measure of love is When you love without measures.. In life there are very rare Chances that you'll meet The person you love who loves you in return. So once you have it don't ever let go -- The chance might never come your way again. It's better to lose your pride to the one you love, Than to lose the one you love because of pride. We spend so much time looking For the right person to love Or finding fault with those we already love, When instead we should be Perfecting the love we give. When you truly care for someone, You don't look for faults, You don't look for answers, You don't look for mistakes. Instead, you fight the mistakes, You accept the faults and you overlook excuses. Never abandon an old friend. You will never find one Who can take his or her place. Friendship is like wine. It gets better as it grows older. Remember the five simple rules to being happy: Free your heart of hatred. Free your mind from worries. Live simply. Give more. Expect less. No one can go back and make a brand new start. Anyone can start from now And make a brand new ending.

"People will forget what you said,

People will forget what you did,

But people will never forget how you made them feel"

The Law of the Garbage Truck.....

One day I hopped in a taxi and we took off for the airport.

We were driving in the right lane when suddenly a car jumped out of a parking space right in front of us. My taxi driver slammed on his breaks, skidded, and missed the other car by just inches! The driver of the other car whipped his head around and started yelling at us.

My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy.

And I mean he was really friendly.

So I asked, 'Why did you just do that? This guy almost ruined your car and sent us to the hospital!'

This is when my taxi driver taught me what I now call 'The Law of the Garbage Truck.'

He explained that many people are like garbage trucks.

They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it and sometimes they'll dump it on you.

Don't take it personally. Just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on. Don't take their garbage and spread it to other people at work, at home, or on the street.

The bottom line is that successful people don't let garbage trucks take over their day.

Life's too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, so... 'Love the people who treat you right. Forgive the ones who don't.'

Life is ten percent what you make it and ninety percent how you take it!

Piece of cake

Sometimes we wonder, 'What did I do to deserve this?' or 'Why did God have to do this to me?'

Here is a wonderful explanation!

A daughter is telling her mother how everything is going wrong: she's failing algebra; her boyfriend broke up with her and her best friend is moving away.

Meanwhile, her Mother is baking a cake and asks her daughter if she would like a snack, and the daughter says,

'Absolutely, Mom, I love your cake.'

'Here, have some cooking oil,' her Mother offers.

'Yuck,' says her daughter.

'How about a couple raw eggs?'

'Gross, Mom!'

'Would you like some flour then? Or maybe baking soda?'

'Mom, those are all yucky!'

To which the mother replies: 'Yes, all those things seem bad by themselves.

But when they are put together in the right way, they make a wonderfully delicious cake!

God works the same way. Many times we wonder why He would let us go through such bad and difficult times.

But God knows that when He puts these things all in His order, they always work for good!

We just have to trust Him and, eventually, they will all make something wonderful! God is crazy about you. He sends you flowers every spring and a sunrise every morning. Whenever you want to talk, He'll listen.

He can live anywhere in the universe, and He chose your heart.
If you like this, send this on to the people you really care about I did.

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance.

TIME GETS BETTER WITH AGE

It gets better as you go!

I've learned that I like my teacher because she cries when we sings "Silent Night".

Age 5

I've learned that our dog doesn't want to eat my broccoli either.

Age 7

I've learned that when I wave to people in the country, they stop what they are doing and wave back.

Age 9

I've learned that just when I get my room the way I like it, Mom makes me clean it up again.

Age 12

I've learned that if you want to cheer yourself up, you should try cheering someone else up.

Age 14

I've learned that although it's hard to admit it, I'm secretly glad my parents are strict with me.

Age 15

I've learned that silent company is often more healing than words of advice.

Age 24

I've learned that brushing my child's hair is one of life's great pleasures.

Age 26

I've learned that wherever I go, the world's worst drivers have followed me there.

Age 29

I've learned that if someone says something unkind about me, I must live so that no one will believe it.

Age 30

I've learned that there are people who love you dearly but just don't know how to show it.

Age 42

I've learned that you can make some one's day by simply sending them a little note.

Age 44

I've learned that the greater a person's sense of guilt, the greater his or her need to cast blame on others.

Age 46

I've learned that children and grandparents are natural allies.

Age 47

I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow.

Age 48

I've learned that singing "Amazing Grace" can lift my spirits for hours.

Age 49

I've learned that motel mattresses are better on the side away from the phone.

Age 50

I've learned that you can tell a lot about a man by the way he handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.

Age 51

I've learned that keeping a vegetable garden is worth a medicine cabinet full of pills.

Age 52

I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you miss them terribly after they die.

Age 53

I've learned that making a living is not the same thing as making a life.

Age 58

I've learned that if you want to do something positive for your children, work to improve your marriage.

Age 61

I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance.

Age 62

I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catchers mitt on both hands. You need to be able to throw something back.

Age 64

I've learned that if you pursue happiness, it will elude you. But if you focus on your family, the needs of others, your work, meeting new people, and doing the very best you can, happiness will find you.

Age 65

I've learned that whenever I decide something with kindness, I usually make the right decision.

Age 66

I've learned that everyone can use a prayer.

Age 72

I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one.

Age 82

I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love that human touch-holding hands, a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back.

Age 90

I've learned that I still have a lot to learn.

Age 92

Don't we ALL

I was parked in front of the mall wiping off my car. I had just come from the car wash and was waiting for my wife to get out of work. Coming my way from across the parking lot was what society would consider a bum. From the looks of him, he had no car, no home, no clean clothes, and no money. There are times when you feel generous but there are other times that you just
don't want to be bothered. This was one of those "don't want to be bothered times.""I hope he doesn't ask me for any money," I thought. He didn't. He came and sat on the curb in front of the bus stop but he didn't look like he could have enough money to even ride the bus. After a few minutes he spoke."That's a very pretty car," he said. He was ragged but he had an air
of dignity around him. His scraggly blond beard keep more than his face warm. I said, "thanks," and continued wiping off my car. He sat there quietly as I worked. The expected plea for money never came. As the silence between us widened something inside said, "ask him if he needs any help." I was sure that he would say "yes" but I held true to the inner voice."Do you need any help?" I asked. He answered in three simple but profound words that I shall never forget. We often look for wisdom in great men and women. We expect it from those of higher learning and accomplishments. I expected nothing but an outstretched grimy hand. He spoke the three words that shook me."Don't we all?" he said. I was feeling high and mighty, successful and important, above a bum in the street, until those three words hit me like a twelve gauge shotgun. Don't we all?I needed help. Maybe not for bus fare or a place to sleep, but I needed help. I reached in my wallet and gave him not only enough for bus fare, but enough to get a warm meal and shelter for the day. Those three little words still ring true. No matter how much you have, no matter how much you have accomplished, you need help too. No matter how little you have, no matter how loaded you are with problems, even without money or a place to sleep, you can give help. Even if it's just a compliment, you can give that. You never know when you may see someone that appears to have it all. They are waiting on you to give them what they don't have. A different perspective on life, a glimpse at something beautiful, a respite from daily chaos, that only you through a torn world can Simon the man was just a homeless stranger wandering the streets. Maybe he was more than that. Maybe he was sent by a power that is great and wise, to minister
to a soul too comfortable in themselves. Maybe God looked down, called an Angel, dressed him like a bum, then said, "go minister to that man cleaning the car, that man needs help."Don't we all?--

Last respects

One day not too long ago the employees of a large company in St. Louis, Missouri returned from their lunch break and were greeted with a sign on the front door.

The sign said: "Yesterday the person who has been hindering your growth in this company passed away. We invite you to join the funeral in the room that has been prepared in the gym."

At first everyone was sad to hear that one of their colleagues had died, but after a while they started getting curious about who this person might be. The excitement grew as the employees arrived at the gym to pay their last respects. Everyone wondered: "Who is this person who was hindering my progress? Well, at least he's no longer here!"One by one the employees got closer to the coffin and when they looked inside it they suddenly became speechless. They stood over the coffin, shocked and in silence, as if someone had touched the deepest part of their soul. There was a mirror inside the coffin: everyone who looked inside it could see himself. There was also a sign next to the mirror that said: "There is only one person who is capable to set limits to your growth: it is YOU. You are the only person who can revolutionize your life. You are the only person who can influence your happiness, your realization and your success. You are the only person who can help yourself. Your life does not change when your boss changes, when your friends change, when your parents change, when your partner changes, when your company changes. Your life changes when YOU change, when you go beyond your limiting beliefs, when you realize that you are the only one responsible for your life

Thankful

I AM THANKFUL:
FOR THE WIFE
WHO SAYS IT'S HOT DOGS TONIGHT,
BECAUSE SHE IS HOME WITH ME,
AND NOT OUT WITH SOMEONE ELSE.


FOR THE HUSBAND
WHO IS ON THE SOFA
BEING A COUCH POTATO,
BECAUSE HE IS HOME WITH ME
AND NOT OUT AT THE BARS.

FOR THE TEENAGER
WHO IS COMPLAINING ABOUT DOING DISHES
BECAUSE IT MEANS SHE IS AT HOME,
NOT ON THE STREETS.

FOR THE TAXES I PAY
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I AM EMPLOYED .


FOR THE MESS TO CLEAN AFTER A PARTY
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE
BEEN SURROUNDED BY FRIENDS.

FOR THE CLOTHES THAT FIT A LITTLE TOO SNUG
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I HAVE ENOUGH TO EAT.


FOR MY SHADOW THAT WATCHES ME WORK
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I AM OUT IN THE SUNSHINE


FOR A LAWN THAT NEEDS MOWING,
WINDOWS THAT NEED CLEANING,
AND GUTTERS THAT NEED FIXING
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE A HOME

FOR ALL THE COMPLAINING
I HEAR ABOUT THE GOVERNMENT
BECAUSE IT MEANS

WE HAVE FREEDOM OF SPEECH. .

FOR THE PARKING SPOT
I FIND AT THE FAR END OF THE PARKING LOT
BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM CAPABLE OF WALKING
AND I HAVE BEEN BLESSED WITH TRANSPORTATION .

FOR MY HUGE HEATING BILL
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I AM WARM.

FOR THE LADY BEHIND ME IN SCHUL WHO SINGS OFF KEY
BECAUSE IT MEANS I CAN HEAR.


FOR THE PILE OF LAUNDRY AND IRONING
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE CLOTHES TO WEAR.


FOR WEARINESS AND ACHING MUSCLES AT THE END OF THE DAY
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE BEEN
CAPABLE OF WORKING HARD.


FOR THE ALARM THAT GOES OFF
IN THE EARLY MORNING HOURS
BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM ALIVE.

AND I AM THANKFUL:
FOR THE crazy people I work with
BECAUSE they make work interesting and fun!

AND FINALLY, FOR TOO MUCH E-MAIL
BECAUSE ? IT MEANS
I HAVE PEOPLE WHO ARE THINKING OF ME.

Live well, Laugh often, & Love with all of your heart!

The Rose

The Rose

John Blanchard stood up from the bench, straightened his Army uniform, and studied the crowd of people making their way through Grand Central Station. He looked for the girl whose heart he knew, but whose face he didn't, the girl with the rose. His interest in her had begun thirteen months before in a Florida library. Taking a book off the shelf he found himself intrigued, not with the words of the book, but with the notes penciled in the margin. The soft handwriting reflected a thoughtful soul and insightful mind. In the front of the book, he discovered the previous owner's name, Miss Hollis Maynell. With time and effort he located her address. She lived in New York City. He wrote her a letter introducing himself and inviting her to correspond. The next day he was shipped overseas for service in World War II. During the next year and one month the two grew to know each other through the mail. Each letter was a seed falling on a fertile heart. A romance was budding. Blanchard requested a photograph, but she refused. She felt that if he really cared, it wouldn't matter what she looked like. When the day finally came for him to return from Europe, they scheduled their first meeting - 7:00 PM at the Grand Central Station in New York. "You'll recognize me," she wrote, "by the red rose I'll be wearing on my lapel." So at 7:00 he was in the station looking for a girl whose heart he loved, but whose face he'd never seen. I'll let Mr. Blanchard tell you what happened:

A young woman was coming toward me, her figure long and slim. Her blonde hair lay back in curls from her delicate ears; her eyes were blue as flowers. Her lips and chin had a gentle firmness, and in her pale green suit she was like springtime come alive. I started toward her, entirely forgetting to notice that she was not wearing a rose. As I moved, a small, provocative smile curved her lips. "Going my way, sailor?" she murmured. Almost uncontrollably I made one step closer to her, and then I saw Hollis Maynell. She was standing almost directly behind the girl. A woman well past 40, she had graying hair tucked under a worn hat. She was more than plump, her thick-ankled feet thrust into low-heeled shoes. The girl in the green suit was walking quickly away. I felt as though I was split in two, so keen was my desire to follow her, and yet so deep was my longing for the woman whose spirit had truly companioned me and upheld my own. And there she stood. Her pale, plump face was gentle and sensible, her gray eyes had a warm and kindly twinkle. I did not hesitate. My fingers gripped the small worn blue leather copy of the book that was to identify me to her. This would not be love, but it would be something precious, something perhaps even better than love, a friendship for which I had been and must ever be grateful. I squared my shoulders and saluted and held out the book to the woman, even though while I spoke I felt choked by the bitterness of my disappointment. "I'm Lieutenant
John Blanchard, and you must be Miss Maynell. I am so glad you could meet me; may I take you to dinner?" The woman's face broadened into a tolerant smile. "I don't know what this is about, son," she answered, "but the young lady in the green suit who just went by, she begged me to wear this rose on my coat. And she said if you were to ask me out to dinner, I should go and tell you that she is waiting for you in the big restaurant across the street. She said it was some kind of test!" It's not difficult to understand and admire Miss Maynell's wisdom. The true nature of a heart is seen in its response to the unattractive.

"Tell me whom you love," Houssaye wrote, "And I will tell you who you are..."

The power of Prayer

The power of Prayer. Rabbi Diamond told us an incredible true story that happened recently. An elderly lady in a nearby nursing home passed away. Her children, who always visited her and took care of her, did their duty and did a proper Jewish Tahara and burial. On the 5th day of sitting Shiva the phone rang and the daughter sitting Shiva answered the phone. On the other end of the phone was her mother who she just buried. The daughter,in shock, immediately fainted. The phone rang again and it was her mother again, complaining that no one came to visit her that week. The family then rushed to the nursing home and it turned out there was a mix up at the nursing home and it was her roommate that passed away and not this lady. So now the nursing home had the grim job of informing the children of the other lady that their mother died 5 days ago. The nursing called and was trying to break it to these children slowly but before they could even tell the children what happened, the children callously answered if this call has anything to do with our mother they are not interested. These children said 'All day long our mother wastes her time and just prays and prays and says Psalms'. The children then added-'And the one thing she prays for is that when she dies she should have a proper Jewish burial. But, the children cruelly said, 'We will out smart her and when she dies we will spite her and make sure she will not have a proper Jewish Burial'. The nursing home then explained to them it was too late as she already received her proper burial! Rabbi Diamond said look at the power of prayer and to the extent Hashem will turn the world around to answer a prayer. Here this pious religious lady only prayed for one thing, a proper burial, knowing it was almost impossible, yet she didn't give up. So Hashem orchestrated this whole mix up to respond to the prayers of this lady. Rabbi Diamond said anyone of our prayer can have the same potential and power.

Ice Cream

Last week I took my children to a restaurant. My six-year-old son asked if he could say grace. As we bowed our heads he said, "God is good. God is great. Thank you for the food, and I would even thank you more if Mom gets us ice cream for dessert. And Liberty and justice for all!
Amen!"
Along with the laughter from the other customers nearby I heard a woman remark, "That's what's wrong with this country. Kids today don't even know how to pray. Asking God for ice-cream! Why, I never!"
Hearing this, my son burst into tears and asked me, "Did I do it wrong? Is God mad at me?"
As I held him and assured him that he had done a terrific job and God was certainly not mad at him, an elderly gentleman approached the table. He winked at my son and said,
"I happen to know that God thought that was a great prayer."
"Really?" my son asked.
"Cross my heart," the man replied.
Then in a theatrical whisper he added (indicating the woman whose remark had started this whole thing), "Too bad she never asks God for ice cream. A little ice cream is good for the soul sometimes."

Naturally, I bought my kids ice cream at the end of the meal. My son stared at his for a moment
and then did something I will remember the rest of my life. He picked up his sundae and without a word, walked over and placed it in front of the woman. With a big smile he told her,
"Here, this is for you.Ice cream is good for the soul sometimes; and my soul is good already."

See what happens

We Will See What Happens

A few years ago, my sister and I were the first ones down the tunnel to board our flight for Norfolk, Virginia. Just as we were about to board the plane, a mechanic emerged from inside the aircraft and blocked the door with his arms. He turned to the flight attended and hurriedly stated, "We got problems!"

I thought to myself, "Why did I have to be the one to hear that? Why couldn't I have been at the back of the line? I didn't need to know that!" Very soon, we were back in the terminal waiting and then ultimately back on the plane. I attempted to put my secret knowledge out of my head and waited for the pilot to give us an explanation. Pilots take courses to ease passengers' minds, right? They know what to say to calm nerves.

Unfortunately, I don't think this pilot took that course. Soon his voice boomed throughout the plane, "Sorry for that delay ladies and gentlemen. We had to power on the plane. But, we have a generator on the ground right now and we are going to jumpstart the engines. Once we get them going, we will get up in the air and head to Norfolk and see what happens."

Click.

That was it. That was all he said. See what happens? We are going to get up in the air and see what happens? Couldn't we have just a little better plan than that worked out?

At this point, all I could do was nervously laugh. One woman started yelling, "Oh no! We are going to crash!" There were sighs of desperation and nervous laughter spreading throughout the cabin like a tidal wave (And we hadn't even taken off yet). Thirty minutes passed and we were still sitting there - then came the voice of death (I mean, the pilot) over the intercom again, "Ladies and gentlemen, I know you are frustrated - so are we - we know you are hot, we only have one engine going right now and it is working double time."

Click.

There were moans as it seemed we had all boarded the vessel of doom. It seemed that without question we were all seated in an aluminum casket seat buckled next to strangers. After all, the pilot said he was frustrated. He told us our one engine was working double time and his elaborate plan was to get up in the air and see what happens! Then we did. We got up in the air and what happened? Nothing - other than thrust and lift. We arrived in Norfolk and no sooner had the wheels touched the tarmac a round of applause burst out and as everyone simultaneously exhaled throughout the airplane.

Although, I do sincerely like to have a better plan than 'see what happens' worked out when flying - it really isn't such a bad life strategy. All too often, I will watch people chase their goals and are frozen with inaction because they don't have all the necessary pieces or guaranteed results. When in reality - they will never have all the pieces. Success will never be guaranteed. The best thing that you can do is just get up in the air and see what happens. Adjustments can be made in the air or should I say in the middle of the process.

If your effort is to build a business then listen closely, "Get up in the air and see what happens!" Don't give yourself all the reasons why you can't. Do not wait until you have everything you need - you never will!

If your mission is to start a friendship, say "hello", get up in the air and see what happens! Don't stress over what you will talk about - wing it with mid air adjustments. The results could be enormous. Do not allow yourself to stay on the runway because you feel the flight is doomed. The only doomed flight of friendship is the one that stays on the runway.

If your goal is to learn a new skill, "Get up in the air and see what happens!" It might not be as challenging as you thought. You might be smarter than you thought. It could be fun!

When traveling, I hope that my pilot has a more detailed plan than, "We will see what happens." Although in life it isn't such a bad strategy.

Mentally See Yourself Taking Action

When you are not yet ready to take action, visualize yourself taking the action that you would really like to do. This way even though you are not in a frame of mind to actually take the specific action, you are mentally preparing yourself.

Your mental pictures will make it easier for you to take action. When you run pictures of yourself doing the things that you want to do, this mental rehearsal will shorten the amount of time it takes to build up your willingness to act.

Mentally picturing yourself taking action will help you overcome the resistance you are feeling. Anything we've successfully done in real life makes it more likely that we will take that action again. Anything that we've visualized doing is stored in our brain as if we actually took that action.

Most Tests are Subtle

The tests and challenges that come to a person from the Almighty are so concealed and subtle the person being tested usually does not feel what is happening to him is a test. If he is aware it is just a test, he would definitely

be able to withstand the difficulties and rise to the challenge, but then the test would not be a real test. Therefore, tests are concealed in such a manner that a person thinks they are merely obstacles and nuisances. A person who withstands such tests is truly elevated.

Allow Yourself to Experience Happiness Now List

You have a right to experience happiness right now, in the present. This is a very important concept to keep in mind. You don't need to wait until you accomplish your goals before you are happy.

Many people think, "Only after I accomplish my goals will I be able to be happy." These individuals mistakenly think that they need to wait in order to be happy. They feel that they can't be happy right now. They tell themselves that they first need to achieve what they would like to achieve before they can be happy.

But happiness is a birthright. You were born. You are now alive. You are breathing now. Right now you have a right to be happy. You can choose to be happy now.

I've Learnt

Words of wisdom: I've learned that ......

I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them.

I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people just don't care back

I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it.

I've learned that it's not what you have in your life, but who you have in your life that counts.

I've learned that you can get by on charm for about 15 minutes. After that, you'd better know something.

I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to the best others can do, but to the best you can do.

I've learned that it's not what happens to people that's important. It's what they do about it.

I've learned that no matter how thin you slice it, there are always two sides.

I've learned that it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.

I've learned that it's a lot easier to react than it is to think.

I've learned that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.

I've learned that you can keep going long after you think you can't.

I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.

I've learned that either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I've learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades and there had better be something else to take its place. (Amen to that!)

I've learned that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.

I've learned that learning to forgive takes practice.

I've learned that there are people who love you dearly, but just don't know how to show it.

I've learned that money is a lousy way of keeping score.

I've learned that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.

I've learned that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down will be the ones to help you get back up.

I've learned that I'm getting more and more like my grandma, and I'm kinda happy about it.

I've learned that sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.

I've learned that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.

I've learned that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

I've learned that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.

I've learned that you should never tell a child her dreams are unlikely or outlandish. Few things are more humiliating, and what a tragedy it would be if she believed it

I've learned that your family won't always be there for you. It may seem funny, but people you aren't related to can take care of you and love you and teach you to trust people again. Families aren't biological.

I've learned that no matter how good a friend someone is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.

I've learned that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.

I've learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.

I've learned that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.

I've learned that sometimes when my friends fight, I'm forced to choose sides even when I don't want to.

I've learned that just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other. And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do.

I've learned that sometimes you have to put the individual ahead of their actions.

I've learned that we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.

I've learned that if you don't want to forget something, stick it in your underwear drawer.

I've learned that you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.

I've learned that the clothes I like best are the ones with the most holes in them.

I've learned that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.

I've learned that no matter how you try to protect your children, they will eventually get hurt and you will hurt in the process.

I've learned that there are many ways of falling and staying in love.

I've learned that no matter the consequences, those who are honest with themselves, get farther in life.

I've learned that many things can be powered by the mind, the trick is self-control.

I've learned that no matter how many friends you have, if you are their pillar, you will feel lonely and lost at the times you need them most.

I've learned that your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you.

I've learned that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.

I've learned that writing, as well as talking, can ease emotional pains.

I've learned that the paradigm we live in is not all that is offered to us.

I've learned that credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.

I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon.

I've learned that although the word "love" can have many different meaning, it loses value when overly used.

I've learned that it's hard to determine where to draw the line between being nice and not hurting people's feelings and standing up for what you believe.

U-turn

As I was sitting on the plane, I could not help but notice the man on my left. He was consuming a treife (unkosher) cutlet. As I settled back to wait until he finished eating his meal, I noticed the name on the wrapping covering his treif-as-treif-can-be meal. The name read, Weinstein.

"Excuse me, I don't mean to be rude or offend you, but may I ask you a question?" I asked.

"Sure."

"You know that you have the option to order kosher meals on this airline?" He then stared at me and replied, "I don't eat Kosher."

"What do you mean you don't eat Kosher? Do you mean that in the house yes and out of the house no, or is it just not a big deal to you, or what?"

"None of the above. I don't eat kosher and I don't eat it because G-d said that we SHOULD eat it, and anything G-d says, well, I just do the complete OPPOSITE."

As if that had not shocked me enough, I then saw a number tattooed in blue ink on his arm as he rolled up his sleeves.

"You really want to know?" he asked me. I said yes and he continued. The funny thing was that he was speaking to me as if there had been a conversation going on in his head all along and he was just turning up the volume.

"It was my son," he said. "That was the final straw…I endured everything with equanimity until finally, one day I broke. The entire time in the camps, I had one goal, to see the liberation with my son, Kasriel Menachem. His mother was long gone, as were his brother and sisters, but we were going to survive, I was sure of it. One day, the entire prisoner population was summoned to the assembly area for a special roll call. There was number of trapdoors on the platform to accommodate several simultaneous hangings. During this tirade, my son's hand was squeezing my arm so hard that he almost cut off my circulation. We all stampeded to get out of the line of fire, and my son and I were separated in the frenzy. I never saw his again. Later, I heard from others who knew us, that he had been pulled aside by a soldier and shot." Brushing the tears from his eyes,

"G-d says 'Have children.' I did, and they were taken away. So now whatever G-d tells me to do, I do the opposite. He says 'Keep kosher'-I eat treife. He says, 'Honor the Sabbath'-I go out in my car. Whatever He says, I do the opposite."

I could not say anything. Six hours later, we landed in Houston and went our separate ways. I never dreamed that I would see Mr. Weinstein again. Four years later, I decided to take my family to Eretz Yisrael for the Yamim Tovim. We went from place to place visiting the whole country.

Then Yom Kippur came. I attended a Yom Kippur service in a Beit Kneset in Mea Shaarim. I walked outside for some fresh air. I then saw something out of the corner of my eye that shocked me. An elderly man was sitting at the bus stop, and smoking! As I stood there in shock, I suddenly realized that the old man sitting and smoking was my old acquaintance Mr. Weinstein. I realized I was being given another chance.

I approached him and told him, "Isn't it funny how life will sometime throw two people together and they can't even imagine why? Then years later they cross paths once again, and this time they are able to get a little bit of an idea why they had to meet…I'm sure you know that today is Yom Kippur and they are about to say Yizkor (mention the names of those who have passed away). Come with me so you can mention your son's name, who died for the sake of Kiddush Hashem (for the sake of sanctifying Hashem's name), to the Chazzan. This might be your only chance for your son's name to be remembered. Don't you think that it's time for his soul to be mentioned in the Heavenly court?"

Tears gathered in the corners of his eyes, just waiting to spill over onto his shirt. Clasping his arm in mine, I led him through and up to where the Chazzan stood. I approached him and asked if he would say a special Hashkava. Mr. Weinstein leaned over and whispered, Kasriel Menachem ben Yechezkel Sraga.

The chazzan's face turned a chalky white, and beads of sweat broke out on his forehead. His eyes looked like they would pop out of his head, and he swayed for a second where he stodd. He reached out toward the man standing next to me and called out in a strangled voice, "Father!"-and he fainted.

Many marriages could have been saved by considering letting go, forgiving, or saying "I am sorry." Many relationships can continue by simply forgetting and starting on a new page. Many Gezerot (decrees) could have been cancelled from oneself and all of Am Yisrael by realizing that obstacles and suffering we go through is because "Our kind father in heaven is expecting me to make a U (you) turn. That U-turn would bring blessing, health, and happiness, for oneself as well as all of Am Yisrael. The father who decided to make a U-turn and enter theBeit Kneset was able to find his lost child that he never imagined he would see again.

Let us all make a little U-turn every day, and save our relationships and marriages, and cancel the troubled decrees from Am Yisrael.

Did God create everything?

You'll love this student's retort to his atheistic professor. Wonderful & useful logic when witnessing to none believers.

Did God create everything that exists? Does evil exist? Did God create evil?

A University professor at a well known institution of higher learning challenged his students with this question.

"Did God create everything that exists?

“A student bravely replied, "Yes he did!"

"God created everything?" The professor asked.

"Yes sir, he certainly did," the student replied.

The professor answered, "If God created everything; then God created evil. And, since evil exists, & according to the principle that our works define who we are, then we can assume God is evil.

“The student became quiet & did not respond to the professor's hypothetical definition. The professor, quite pleased with himself, boasted to the students that he had proven once more that the religious faith was a myth. Another student raised his hand & said,

"May I ask you a question, professor?"

"Of course," replied the professor. The student stood up and asked,

"Professor does cold exist?"

"What kind of question is this? Of course it exists. Have you never been cold?" The other students snickered at the young man's question. The young man replied,

"In fact sir, cold does not exist. According to the laws of physics, what we consider cold is in reality the absence of heat. Everybody or object is susceptible to study when it has or transmits energy, & heat is what makes a body or matter have or transmit energy. Absolute zero (-460F) is the total absence of heat; & all matter becomes inert & incapable of reaction at that temperature. Cold does not exist. We have created this word to describe how we feel if we have no heat.

“The student continued, "Professor, does darkness exist?

“The professor responded, "Of course it does.

“The student replied, "Once again you are wrong sir, darkness does not exist either. Darkness is in reality the absence of light. Light we can study, but not darkness. In fact, we can use Newton’s prism to break white light into many colours & study the various wave lengths of each colour. You cannot measure darkness. A simple ray of light can break into a world of darkness & illuminate it. How can you know how dark a certain space is? You measure the amount of light present. Isn’t this correct? Darkness is a term used by man to describe what happens when there is no light present.”

Finally the young man asked the professor, "Sir, does evil exist?" Now uncertain,
The professor responded, "Of course, as I have already said. We see it every day. It is in the daily examples of man's inhumanity to man. It is in the multitude of crime & violence everywhere in the world. These manifestations are nothing else but evil.

To this the student replied, "Evil does not exist, sir, or at least it does not exist unto itself. Evil is simply the absence of God. It is just like darkness & cold, a word that man has created to describe the absence of God.

God did not create evil. Evil is the result of what happens when man does not have God's love present in his heart. It's like the cold that comes when there is no heat, or the darkness that comes when there is no light.” The professor sat down.

The young man's name--Albert Einstein

the living years

Every generation blames the one before
And all of their frustrations
Come beating on your door
I know that I'm a prisoner
To all my father held so dear
I know that I'm a hostage
To all his hopes and fears
I just wish I could have told him
In the living years

More crumpled bits of paper
Filled with imperfect thought
Stilted conversations
I'm afraid that's all we've got
You say you just don't see it
He says it's perfect sense
You just can't get agreement
In this present tense
We all talk a different language
Talking in defence

CHORUS
Say it loud
Say it clear
You can listen as well as you hear
It's too late when we die
To admit we don't see eye to eye

So we open up a quarrel
Between the present and the past
We only sacrifice the future
It's the bitterness that lasts
So don't yield to the fortunes
You sometimes see as fate
It may have a new perspective
On a different day
And if you don't give up
And don't give in
You may just be O.K.

CHORUS

I wasn't there that morning
When my father passed away
I didn't get to tell him
All the things I had to say
I think I caught his spirit
Later that same year
I'm sure I heard his echo
In my baby's new born tears
I just wish I could have told him
In the living years

CHORUS

Quote of the day

If you think small things don't make a difference, try spending a night in a room with a mosquito!

I Think, Therefore I Am

Let’s look at two sentences:

1. I have a low self-image

2. The way that I'm thinking limits me and makes me feel bad

There’s a great difference between the two

we HAVE a heart a brain lungs feel and so on they are parts of out body someone might also HAVE the flu a strep throat or an ear infection a person might HAVE a house a car a telephone a pen and a book here the world HAVE refers to something we own however when it comes to the way we view ourselves there is no HAVE there are only patterns of thinking

one might think of himself in a positive or negative way where we view this as a pattern of thinking it is much easier to improve the situation we don't have to change what we have or who we are we need to improve their way we think of ourselves as we do this we will be more open to speaking and acting in ways that help us accomplish more and feel better

for example: a person might feel that he lacks a sense of importance and worth it’s easy to see why he might say I have a low self-image but if he realizes that this is a pattern of thinking he can also realize that it would be beneficial to think right now I don't think of myself as having sufficient value and worth instead I focus more on what is wrong with me rather than on what is right with me and how can I continue to improve what can I think, say and do that will enable me to increase my sense of value and worth and build my self-image?

Let’s repeat the last sentence:

What can I think say and do to increase my sense of value and worth and build my self-image?

Repeating the thought many times strengthens you resolve to think and act in a way that leads to a better self-image

Realizing that the entire issue of self-image is an issue of thought we can and should commit ourselves to improving our thinking

You will find ideas to help you THINK YOUR WAY to a better self-image and once you know these different positive patterns you will be more aware of other ideas that can continue building your self-image ideas you read hear and think of yourself

People frequently ask WHY DO I HAVE A POOR SELF-IMAGE? There is only one real answer if you have a poor self-image it is because of the way you think about yourself think better thoughts and you'll change your self-image

People have given many reasons to justify having a poor self-image see if any of your reason are included below:

• my parents didn't believe in me
• my parents believed in me so much that I became discouraged and gave up because I could never fulfil their expectations
• I was treated badly
• I was ignored as a child
• I know people who are brighter and more successful and I look down on myself for being less than they are
• I don't have some talents or skills that others have
• I am dissatisfied with the way I look or the way that I'm afraid other think I look
• I keep focusing on a handicap that I have
• people around me have verbally put me down
• I didn't have friends
• I felt rejected
• I was very different from the other people around me
• it’s my physical appearance
• an older sibling made fun of me
• I was younger then my siblings
• others laughed at me
• my accent is funny
• I was called bad names
• I lost a number of games and decided that I'm a loser
• I considered myself stupid
• I had more life challenges then others
• I'm shy

REALIZING THAT THE ENTIRE ISSUE OF SELF-IMAGE IS AN ISSUE OF THOUGHT WE CAN AND SHOULD COMMIT OURSELVES TO IMPROVING OUR THINKING

• I'm afraid to speak in public
• I'm obsessive-compulsive
• my teachers didn't believe in my potential abilities
• I received low grades in school

Outcome Thinking

The Talmudic Sages ask: "Who is the wise man?"

The answer: "One who sees (i.e., thinks about) the outcome of his actions."

Keep asking yourself, "What is the goal of my present behaviour?" and "What are the potential harmful consequences?"

These two questions will enable you to have greater control over your behaviour.

Seeing Each Others Pain

When people are in emotional pain, they tend to speak and act in ways that sound angry and aggressive. And if you, too, are in emotional pain, you are likely to speak to the other person in ways that he will perceive as angry and aggressive. Each person adds to the emotional pain of the other, and the distress of everyone involved keeps increasing. When you are calm, it's easier to see the emotional pain of others. That is when you can build up your attribute of compassion. The goal is to have so much compassion that even when you personally are experiencing emotional pain, you are able to be sensitive to the emotional pain of the person with whom you are interacting. Coming from a place of compassion you will be able to address the thoughts and feelings of the other person in a way that alleviates his distress. Then he is more likely to speak and act more sensibly and reasonably towards you.

Pause Before Speaking

Before you speak, you are the master of your words. After you speak, your words become your master.